You're talking, but all I hear is "blah blah blah"

I love you, I really do. But if I have to hear about your messed up lives one more time, I'm not only sending my own head through a wall, but I'm taking you with me. I'm kind of hoping that you'd hit a stud. Honestly, I don't know how I manage to end up being the one that has to solve the world, and when I can't, I'm suddenly rendered as something useless. You want your desires filled, I fill them. You want your girlfriend problems solved, I advise. But if you have to come to me to get your girlfriend problems solved and get your desires filled, I'm not longer your friend; I'm now just a free whore. You don't even have to pay me, except in just saying that you're my friend. I just think that's complete shit. I could be making hundreds of dollars giving the public what I give you all the time, but no, because I get shy or whatever.

By the way, have you noticed at ALL that all your problems end up stemming from the same cause? Don't you realize that all you have to do is talk to the cause? Do not get me wrong; I LOVE helping. I feel like it's my only purpose as your friend, but it's fun. I like being involved and helping you solve whatever crisis you have. But I'm done with being your whore. Date me, or forget about it. Because I can only hope that you and I would have more in common than just the insane urge to fuck each other, despite how you have a girlfriend.